6 weeks and 5 days
PHYSICAL
Expected:
- I am nauseous almost every waking moment of the day.
- I have only vomited once so far, thank GOD.
Unexpected:
- My skin has actually been pretty good, way better then it was before I got pregnant. I haven't been able to take care of my skin the way I normally did due to my tiredness and nausea. But even without washing my face as frequently as I used to and even without being diligent with my acne skincare routine my skin hasn't really broken out.
- My skin also doesn't get as oily as it used to, and my lips stay dry and chapped. I never used to have chapped lips to the point of bleeding but that happens pretty frequently now.
- Bubble guts and diarrhea. TMI I know, but I will always keep it 100%
- All scents including my own scent and my husbands scent makes me sick and nauseous. Cooking is something I absolutely can not do because the scent of food makes me gag. The smell of chicken is the absolute worse. I can not eat chicken! Matter of fact I can not eat meat of any sort unless its breakfast meat like bacon or sausage (and I can only eat it for breakfast no breakfast meat for dinner!). Perfume bothers me, the smell of cleaning products bothers me, hair and skin care products I can not stand the smell of. Basically the only thing that does not bother me is FRESH AIR!
- Today something new started for me, I spit. One of my friends told me she spit during her pregnancy a couple of days ago I didn't really know what she was talking about until today. My mouth now produces excess saliva that I can not swallow because it feels gross and it makes me want to gag. So every few minutes I am spitting out massive amounts of saliva. I have a spit cup and bowl next to the bed. I just feel like a gross mess.
- I knew I would likely be tired, but I didn't realize I would feel bed bound. I haven't cooked or cleaned my home in weeks. I have no energy to shower, wash my face, do my hair, get dressed, walking to the bathroom or the kitchen is enough work. I look like a sloppy, sick, gross, mess. And I feel bad that I am not working and am not doing my "wifely duties". At this point my husband is doing it all, he is working, taking care of the home, and taking care of me. I feel so bad!
- I have an appointment to get my car serviced Friday and I do not know how I am going to make it. This past weekend we had an appointment to renew our lease and I wasn't able to make it, we asked if I had to be there and she said yes. So I have no idea when I will have enough energy to go to the leasing office and enough confidence that I will not vomit while I am in the office. I also need to make my first prenatal appointment but I am super anxious about it because I heard the first one is the longest one and I do not know how I will make it through without vomiting especially because clinics/hospitals have such strong odors. I hope to make an appointment for next week which means I should be 7 weeks pregnant.
- I always thought I would be able to document my entire pregnancy through video vlogs and as of yet I haven't had the energy to get myself together enough to be on camera.
- I am very surprised that I have no lost weight, I am still 147-148 lbs despite the fact that I have been eating a lot less. I noticed the one time I really filled my stomach up and was really enjoying my food is the one time I vomited. So I am now very careful with how full I allow myself to get
EMOTIONAL
- I honestly feel depressed, very depressed. Its a result of a mixture of things such as feeling extreme sickness, my lack of appetite yet I still feel hungry, eating is one of the biggest struggles and I worry I am not giving my baby enough nutrition. Everything sounds gross but if I do not eat my nausea just gets worse. The lack of energy to do anything or even leave my house has me super down. And I feel so bad for my husband that he now has to carry my weight. I feel, look, and smell gross so clearly that has a big effect on my mood. Lastly, although I knew if I got pregnant my husband would miss most of my pregnancy what I did not know was how sick I would be and how much I would need him at this time. So my largest fear is what I will do in the future when he deploys which isn't so far away. I can't imagine being this sick without him!
SPIRITUAL
- I have never prayed so much in my life. I pray about everything even things that most people would normally take for granted. Even if I have one minute of not being nauseous I thank God. I am constantly praying for relief. I pray before I leave the house and during every trip outside the house that I will make it without vomiting or feeling extremely sick. I thank God whenever I can eat my entire meal because is very rare lately. I thank God whenever I can get a well balanced and/or healthy meal down. I then pray that I do not vomit it up, although I have only vomited once I have been so close to vomiting so many other times. I pray all day and all night for a healthy happy baby. I pray for a healthy pregnancy. I pray that the Lord will see me through it all and that this phase will end shortly. Its just been so hard yall so hard. I have always thought if I did have children I would at least have 2 because I never wanted to have an only lonely child. But this is seriously making me rethink it. I can not imagine going through this again. Worst part is most books I read say that I might go through this phase for another 6 weeks or until I am 12 weeks and that will just be killer. I just pray pray pray and pray and the Lord is the one who helps me make it through everyday without breaking down and just sobbing honestly.
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